![]() I must maintain control.Calling all Fifty Shades fans: it looks you're all set to get one last look into the mysterious mind of the BDSM-obsessed billionaire, Christian Grey. I stand there trying to figure out how this girl has managed to have such a strong effect on me already, something I have not allowed anyone else to have. I watch her walk away and I already feel a yearning to pull her back again. Grey,” she says in a broken voice and walks off through the crowd on the street. I will my muscles into iron to keep my arms down at my sides, to keep from reaching up to brush them away. The tears that come to her eyes feel like they’re pulling on something deep inside me. I warn her, I tell her to steer clear of me. I’m warning her to get away from me, yet I can’t seem to let go of her. More than anything, I don’t want anything to ever hurt her. I do care about not hurting others, though I’d rather not have anyone know that fact. As much as I’m used to getting my own way, I am not a cruel man. There’s a war of hot and cold inside me, never wanting to let go of her and knowing I can never be what she wants, what she’ll need. Would I take it too far? What I would like to do to her. I’ll only hurt her, I want to hurt her in all the best ways. “I’m not the man for you,” I tell her, try to warn her. With the cold clasp of steel, I shut my body down as much as I can. The tightening in my groin is immediate when she closes her eyes and leans her head into my hand in perfect trust, my breath stops for just a moment. With her only inches from my face, I can feel my blood quicken, my body temperature starts to rise, I have to touch her, I want to feel her. Without even thinking, I reach out both hands to grab her and pull her closer, to safety. I walk her quickly out the door, almost running truthfully, trying to get away from that breaking thing back at the coffee shop, but then I see a bicyclist coming straight toward her. I have to get out, maintain control, something is starting to break loose. With disappointment, I barely hear her mention the photo shoot, there seems to be something rushing in my ears. My chest tightens, my stomach draws in, perhaps she isn’t the right choice after all. There’s always the tendency for them to want to get too close. That’s something I need to consider carefully. She shares a romantic spirit with her mother, that might cause some problems, she might get too attached. Who is close to her? Who might try to keep her away from me? Who will she talk to, exposing any secrets I choose to divulge to her? I study her body language while she tells me about her stepfather, she will not talk with him about what I have in mind. I’m able to quickly shift the conversation back to what I really need to know. That isn’t how to conduct business, especially business like this. For a moment, I feel my center of gravity shift, but I can’t let her know she found a weakness. “That must be very boring.” That simple statement, delivered so softly, cuts straight through to that place I keep hidden. When I tell her to eat, though, she makes an adorable play for some power of her own which I counter with my usual ploy, a statement that tends to quiet most women like her, but she throws me another of those curve balls that first caught my attention back in my office. Her answer, “I find you intimidating” sends a wave of power through me that reinforces everything I’ve learned about her so far. “You seem nervous,” I tell her while the paper surrounding her bran muffin crinkles in my hand as I unwrap it for her. I’m pleased by her understanding of our relationship so far and decide to break the silence. There are noises all around us, but she sits quietly, looking down toward the table in an appropriately demure position. A twist of pain comes from deep inside, a secret memory I keep hidden from myself, and I turn away from it, just taking pleasure in the thought of touch, inhaling the aroma of the coffee as it curls its warmth inside, a touch that can’t hurt. I wonder, just for a moment, what it would feel like to have those soft hands wrapped around me. Her hands wrap protectively around the cup as if seeking its warmth. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as I pour her a cup of coffee in the hotel cafe. My relief at hearing the ‘no’s come from her lips is nothing more than the dawning possibility that my search for a new partner is coming to an end. That submissive quality I sense in her is alluring and I’m in need of a new playmate. I choose my women carefully, based on attraction, yes, but there has to be more. I won’t admit it’s jealousy that this girl has been giving them her attention. ![]() Coffee scene from the perspective of Christian GreyThe unpleasant anger I feel toward the photographer and the guy at the hardware store begins to subside with each soft ‘no’ she utter s as we walk down the hall of the hotel after the photo shoot. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |